90%
of us adults do it or have done it, the other 10% are lying.
It's the reason the big man gave us opposable thumbs, Ladies
and Gentlemen I of course refer to my specialist subject. .
. . . masturbation.
Masturbation is the proverbial vipers nest,
it takes a great deal of courage to stand up
and say "I'm a wanker." But stand your
ground, be proud of your moments of self Indulgence,
wankers of the World believe me when I say, we
are in the majority.
Euphemisms
Top 10
10)
One off the wrist
09)
Making baldie puke
08)
Jerkin the gherkin
07)
Yanking the doodle
06)
White water wristing
05)
Five finger shuffle
04)
Shellacking the shillelagh
03)
Burp the snake
02)
Spank the monkey
01)
Flogging the bishop
"It
is better to be a happy
honest masturbator, than
a sad hypocritical wanker". T.Blair
Wankovision
+
Euphemisms
for Girls Top 3
03)
Playing tiddlywinks.
02)
The Kit Kat shuffle.
01)
Chasing the bean round
the plate.
Err...
that really is all, unless
you know different ?
With everything
enjoyable, there are going to be those who object,
religious killjoys quote the Bible passage. "And
God said onto the Jews, easy
on the wanking you guys".
AOL's
comprehensive wanking library
The
Mormon guide to self restraint (for real)
Pray
daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will
strengthen you against temptation. Set
a goal of abstinence. Begin with a day,
then a week, month, year. Finally, commit yourself to never
doing it again.
Wear
pyjamas that are difficult to open,
yet loose and not binding.
In
severe cases, tie a hand to the bed frame.
Employ
aversion therapy. To cancel out the pleasurableness of
masturbating, associate something very distasteful with
the act. For example, imagine bathing in a tub of worms
and eating some of them.
Follow
the money with 
Birds
do it, Bees do it ... Chuginatyachewchew
