One of the Queens Brian Mays has been savagely mauled to death
by Princess Anne's killer dog. Her majesty who heard the attack
from an upstairs room, was alerted by wails of feedback from
the Brian's guitar amp as the rocker was attacked.
In a court case earlier this year, Princess Anne defended the same English
bull terrier dog, after it attacked two young Jimmy Pages in the street.
The Queen was said to be devastated but took comfort that her other Brian
Mays were not injured in the incident.
The English bull terrier has been nominated for a Mercury music award for
services to the music Industry.
Famous
for fifteen stone
Michelle
McManus
Pop Idol winner 2003
Pop Idol winner Michelle McManus is “pure
dead mad” at Pete Waterman's criticism
of her appearance.
“I dinny gee a monkees arse
whit Pete says.” said a defiant Michelle at the post competition
press conference.
“Fair doos, am no a skinny bint but
Pete Watermans got a cheek to criticise anyone. He's
about as attractive as a hairy mole on a bed of warts.”
Pete
Waterman offered no rebuttal to Michelle's cruel
jibe, but a Pop Idol insider confirmed that “Mr Waterman is a
rather ugly man.”
Superfluous
third nipple shocker for Lesley
“It's
been a frikin nightmare”
After her disastrous botox
operation, Lesley Ash would have been forgiven for
thinking that it couldn't get much worse.
That was
until Thursday morning, when she woke up to
find a superfluous third nipple smack in the middle
of her forehead.
“People will think I've done this deliberately
after the whole lips thing but it's not that unusual
to develop a third nipple.”
Lesley is currently appearing in Homebase adverts at
a jaunty angle and in blurred focus.
10.
There's a disturbance in the Force. 09.
My
patent is pending.
08. I have to study for a blood test. 07. I
have to rotate my crops. 06. My goats broke a horn. 05.
I don't date outside my species 04.
My gerbil is getting married. 03.
My grandma is on fire. 02.
I'm shaving my dog. 01. You're ugly, I'm busy, have a nice day.
Follow
the money with 
Anne's
dog kills Queen's Brian May
09.
My
patent is pending.
