Popular music artist Jennifer Lopez is "taking on
board" the advice from the Scottish Institute of
Overly Concerned Mothers, that, "She will catch her
death going out dressed like that."
Miss Lopez, 33, has taken council from the Woman's Institute
and will be wearing a good winter coat. She has told Agnes
Winterbottom, 59, "I promise to take my coat off
when I'm inside, so I get the benefit of it when I go
out."
Mrs Winterbottom was last night unavailable for comment
as she was making her "mans sannys for his work."
The new Paul Burrell
book
Paul
Burrell's follow up book about Princess Diana, provisionally
titled, 'I've seen her bollock naked.' Has given strength
to the rumour that Mr Burrell is running out of secrets
to blab about.
His publishers deny the new book lacks substance, offering
this insight into its content.
Chapter 3, Diana has a dilemma
when she runs out of toilet paper, face cloth or bunny
hop to the kitchen.
Chapter 9, Diana has to eat
a packet of Beef crisps after the kids eat all the good
ones.
I
like it...
Lovely-bubbly Linda Barker,
who captured the nations heart with her informative
and well scripted electrical ads, is rehearsing
a more demanding role for her next advertising
campaign.
In a relaunch of the popular 70's confectionary
Spangles, Linda will attempt to make a Mr
Spock Vulcan salute, while being colonically
irrigated by Bob Garolgese and Spit the dog.
Hello
boys
The Internet was last night
stunned with disbelief by a rumour claiming a nude
photograph of Britney Spears actually existed.
Avid Internet surfer and frequent masturbator, Lance
Plum, boasted that he had a picture of Britney in
her birthday suit. Only for further investigation
to reveal him to be a lying little turd.
For over 4 years now, internet sites have lured
libidinous men to their lurid pages with the promise
of "Britney nude" and "Britney wit'
nowt on."
Despite years of exhaustive research, no genuine
nipple shot has been forth coming.
10.
Salmon McNella 09.
Way
Too Happy Meal
08. McMonkey Spleen 07. Fillet o'
Poodle 06. Brocolli McFlurry 05.
McCow anus rings (deep fried) 04.
Big McPig dick with cheese 03.
McKitten burger with curly kitten tails (aww) 02.
Monkey sperm milkshakes 01. Big Mechanically recovered McScrotum burger
-- Fat Dancer
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the money with 
Jennifer Lopez may catch her death
