Carol (36) first came across the cuss twat during her early days in show business, when she was the choreographer for a travelling troop of erotic dancers (Minge). Carol says, "I was a little naïve in those days, the girls from Minge would make fun of my Glaswegian accent and my inability to pick up penny's with my twat." The teasing knew no bounds and she was forced to leave her choreographer days behind her after dancer "Big Brenda" crushed Carol's pet hamster (Gerald, 2) with her muscular organ."

I found myself cussing a little too much after I left Minge," says Carol (still 36) but in show biz circles it didn't seem inappropriate." She did however fall foul of light-footed dancer Lionel Blair, when describing the Queen Mother as a scrotum with a blue rinse. The air turned blue with twat this and twat that as Lionel (not 36) gave Carol her marching orders.

Does she ever combine her cuss words? "Oh!, you bet I do, I recently berated TV's Handy Andy after he inadvertently stabbed my golden retriever (Basil, 4), you useless fu*#wit of a twat" and "get away to fu*# before I stick that claw hammer up your cockney arse," were just some examples of the derision aimed at TV's most popular chippy.

Since this interview Carol (36) has turned 37, Basil her dog is now 5 and Gerald her hamster is still dead.

** All references to non-fictional characters on this web site are fictitious no inference is made against the good character of Miss Smilie or indeed Mr Lionel Blair. **